DEANNER TIME!
by xxTeh-Ninja
Summary: So yeah...I blame tumblr. Dean starts a cooking show/podcast in the bunker. (SORRYnotsorry)
1. Chapter 1

_"COOK ON MY WAYWARD CHEF!_

 _THERE'LL BE PIES WHEN YOU ARE DONE!_

 _KEEP ON CHOPPIN' THOSE ONIONS..._

 _THEY'LL MAKE YOU CRY SOME MORE~!"_

Dean sung over the music, making up his own lyrics.

He then flashed a cheesy grin into the camera, placing a chef hat atop his head.

"I welcome you all to another exciting episode of 'Deanner Time'!" Dean paused the loud rock music so that he wouldn't have to yell over it and risk waking up the other inhabitants of the bunker.

"Tonight, we'll be baking," He started, pulling out various ingredients. "You know how it is...'Saving dinner, baking things, ...the family recipe'." He placed the last of the needed items on the counter in front of him and winked.

"Now, If my _lovely assistant_ would be so kind as to preheat the oven to 325, we can get started!" Dean spoke, glancing over at Castiel.

The man sighed sighed, wondering how he always got pulled into the tom-foolery of the Winchester Brothers. He was an angel of the lord...he shouldn't have to deal with this! But he did love the baked goods...

"Ooohh Lovely Assistant!? 325, please?" Dean fluttered his eye lashes in feigned innocence.

Castiel complied with the request, albeit he did so with a small pout. "What are we making, All mighty muffin man?"

Dean grumbled, he'd never live that down, after all...how had he managed to make blueberry muffins explode?

"Well, **_Lovely Assistant_** , I'm glad you asked~!" He responded with quite a bit of emphasis. "Tonight we will be making Philadelphia cheesecake! Cause, y'know...who'd wanna go all the way to Philly for cheesecake?"

As dean listed off the ingredients to the podcast audience, Cas wandered in the background. So many weird devices...

Then, His eyes landed on the mixer. What was the strange appliance? His curiosity got the better of him, and as Dean spoke to the camera, the blue eyed male's eyes landed on the four eggs, swooping them up into his hands.

He tapped them one by one on the side of the mixer bowl...he had seen Sam making scrambled eggs a few times, it seemed easy enough... _right_?

 **Wrong.**

As a few pieces of shell fell into the bowl and his hand was covered in egg goop, he grimaced at the weird texture.

He then started the mixer...On the highest setting.

Egg splashed onto the Angel's face and trench coat, and he stumbled backwards, attempting to wipe the grossness from his forehead.

Dean spun on his heels, Glaring at the Angel, then just sighing at the site before him.

He turned to the camera, and with a sheepish smile "Well, seems my...klutzy...assistant has made a mess. So, until next time!"


	2. Chapter 2

"YOU BROUGHT LUCIFER TO THE BUNKER FOR THIS!?" Sam shouted, dumbfounded.

"Mhmm!" Dean smirked, proud of himself.

"Uh, hi, yeah...I'm still right here y'know." Lucifer grumbled.

"C'mon, Sammy...Deviled Eggs! Get it? **_Deviled_** eggs!" Dean chuckled.

"Not amused, Dean. Not in the slightest." Sam grumbled, and with an exasperated sigh he turned to exit the kitchen.

"Don't you mean...Una-moosed?" Lucifer Cackled.

Dean smirked as Sam cursed under his breath.

Turning the camera on for the podcast, Dean adjusted the positioning and focus. He gave a big grin to the camera and threw an extra chef hat to Lucifer.

"What do you expect me to do with- oh no. HELL NO." He glared daggers.

Dean faced his back to the camera and pulled an angel blade from his pocket, whispering just loud enough for Luci to hear him, "It may not kill you easily, but it should still hurt like a bitch."

"Oh Dean, why didn't you just tell me you have a cosplay kink?" The mischievous archangel grinned and placed the hat atop his head.

"You shut your damn yap hole." Dean blushed, slipping the blade away before facing the camera once more to be visible to the podcast viewers.

"Today, we'll be making Deviled eggs with my Acquaintance Lucifer." Dean smiled, proud of his awful pun.

Lucifer grumbled and pressed a button on the sound board dean had given him, sounding the laugh track.

"Alright, Luci...time to get to work!" Dean clapped his hands together.

Once the oldest winchester had gathered all of the needed ingredients and set them on the counter, Lucifer measured them out with Dean's instruction.

"Ok so I've already hardboiled the eggs. Now we just need to cut them in half and remove the yolk."

Dean peeled the shells from the eggs, then carefully slicing them each into two even halves.

"You don't trust me with a knife?" Lucifer pouted.

"Definitely not!" Dean rolled his eyes.

Luci mumbled something along the lines of 'go suck Castiel's dick, ass hole'.

"SSHHHHHH! The shippers will hear you..." Dean said, face flushed.

Lucifer just cackled as he scooped the yolks out of the egg whites and plopped them into a bowl.

"Now we just add a few table spoons of mayo, and little bit of mustard to taste, and mush it all together to make our egg filling."

Dean mashed it all together, mixing everything to make sure there were no huge clumps of anything.

"Now all ya do is spoon filling into each halved egg and voila~! Deviled Eggs." Dean smiled to the camera as Lucifer did as Dean had said.

While Dean did his outro and said his goodbye, Lucifer tried an egg...and another...and another...

"Hey! Save some, ass hat!" Dean scolded.

"Bite me, Winchester" His eyes glowed.

"Uh..G-Glad you like them..."


End file.
